There's Not Enough Time

Well, I finished school.

and then...

My sister Sara has been up in Boston all week celebrating with me, and seeing the sights. She’s 14, and I think she had a good time, but at that age it’s hard to tell how someone feels about anything – mostly because they never quite know themselves.

I really want to write more here about how we went all over town, went ice skating, how we tried to dye her hair pink with kool-aid, how we finally yelled at each other about her issues with admitting defeat in ‘Monopoly’ and how she got pissed when I made her look at colleges. I want to write about the cool time we had at the New England Aquarium and how I made her a ‘Buffy the Vampire Slayer’ fan and how she started taking an interest in comic books. Also I want to write about her fascination with feeding ducks and a million other things. I want to write about how much fun it is to finally play with Sara mostly almost like a grown-up for a whole week for the first time since she was born. We started having grown-up discussions just a couple of years ago, but we never got to hang out like this before, and I wish I could write about it, but there’s not enough time.

We fly back South tomorrow.

Like always, that presents me with a million different questions and a whole lot of holiday stuff I wish wasn’t there. I got a letter in the mail from Radcliffe today, saying they are considering me for a position and will contact me in January. I still don’t have a job, just an interview with Vanderbilt (because the universe likes to laugh at me) and a couple of halfway maybes from different departments in Harvard that take a snail’s pace at even interviewing people.

I really, really want to stay here, even though I’m done with what I came up here to do. I completed school, I’ve kicked some ass…but I’m not ready to go home to Georgia yet. Nope, I just don’t feel ready. But now that the scholarship is gone, I may be the only archivist who takes up stocking groceries in her spare time when I get back. Wish me luck, I need it.

P. S.

My friends Tony, Andrew, Jason and Jeff are throwing my graduation party in Murfreesboro Saturday night. I hope to see everyone there, though I know that's not possible. Still, that's when I'll feel like it's over - that I have my MLS - when everyone's drunk and throwing confetti on eveyone else and I get big hugs from the people who watched me fight so hard for so long. And then...and then...for the first time in years, I don't know what comes next.