Theocracy is not Democracy, plus a Modular Haiku

7/3/2002

I’m still jobless, and the University of Georgia in Atlanta has informed me that they’re delaying their interview process until September.

The country has freaked out because some judge grew a spine and decided that the pledge of allegiance is unconstitutional.

Due to general poverty, Tennessee shut down its universities and everything but the state parks, because it’s widely recognized that shutting down state parks right before the 4th of July would lead to riots.

I can’t go to DC Thursday like I really want too, and the Boston holiday celebration is featuring Barry Manilow, who would ruin my ability to enjoy the Pops.

Despite the fact that I was trained to do research at the Harvard Medical Library, I’m going to have to teach High School English in the fall just to have an income.

After all these recent events, I’m left only with the conclusion that the four horsemen of the apocalypse ride throughout the land. My only form of hope comes from the feeble supposition that any day we might be invaded by the EU. After all, if America were invaded by Europe, we’d all at least get health care and pot would be legal, thereby taking care of my two greatest concerns in life.

Dust called me after seeing Congress’ reaction to the Pledge of Allegiance ruling.

“People realize that the judge is following the law, right? They do realize that the pledge violates the separation of church and state? I mean, they understand that stuff, right?”

And I said to him: “You’re talking about people who don’t understand the difference between theocracy and democracy. We exist in a world where people don’t understand that Velveeta is a cheese-like product, not actual cheese. They’ll burn a hole in the Constitution in the name of God.”

Dustin started to whimper on the other end of the line. “I don’t want to exist in that world. I want to exist in a world of cuddles and puppets.”

And because I was feeling mean, I told him that he couldn’t. Dust asked me why I was feeling so mean, and I told him.

I was feeling mean because I finally up and confessed my crush to this guy I’ve been madly crushing on for 9 months or so. It was a stupid thing to confess; but with only two months left in Boston, and standing in his presence as he talked about wearing skirts to fight the heat and at the same time dropped a reference to King Missile, I couldn’t take it anymore. I told him that my crush was causing awkwardness on my part. And then after another 30 minutes or so of rambling conversation about politics and stickers, the conversation ended.

Then to make matters just a little worse, I was cut off from the e-mail account that this guy has the addy to.

In order to aid my distress, Dust leant me a modular haiku of his own devising.

Tanzanite is bad
Nasty nasty tanzanite
Oh so very bad

How does that help me? Well, you can replace Tanzanite with any 3-syllable word. Also “nasty” can be replaced with any two-syllable word of negative connotation, like “evil”, or “naughty”. So this easy to use modular haiku can easily be adapted for my own use thusly:

Awkwardness is bad
Naughty evil awkwardness
Oh so very wrong

Feel free to adapt this haiku for any situation that you feel you can’t control.