Flip Out

The whole entire town of Boston and I went a little crazy last week.

Most of Boston was crazy because the Patriots won the super bowl in New Orleans. Sunday night there were crowds of people that flooded Kenmore Square with riotous joy, and people even lit stuff in the streets on fire out in Brighton. It was crazy – I spend most of February up here bitching to myself about the lack of street festivals in Boston, and there, two weekends before Mardi Gras, were thousands of screaming drunken people in the streets around here.

Tuesday was even crazier, but I didn’t go downtown to watch over a million people welcome the football team back into town because I was working. Besides, the football crowd vibe doesn’t necessarily thrill me. The craziest thing about the crowd was that whenever Boston sports fans get drunk and happy, no matter over what sport it is – they still yell “YANKEES SUCK! YANKEES SUCK!” which still cracks me up. I mean, they’re all Yankees to me – poor guys shouldn’t be so hard on themselves.

I flipped out because I didn’t get to work as much as I needed too. Dunkin’ Donuts hired me almost three weeks ago, in anticipation of a new store opening. So I trained for 3 days out at Davis Square, and was told the store would be opening in a few days. A few days became two weeks as I watched delays with the contractors and permit people stretch into seeming infinity. My job at Countway is only two days a week, and so I was left with the other 5 days a week to write and obsess about my future. I’m too broke to go to the movies or go shopping. I’m too broke to go to my favorite Indian restaurant.

I was really productive in my writing for the first week or so; and then the frustration started to get to me. The worst was Thursday, when I went into the library and heard that Harvard had announced 5% cutbacks where I work. After two weeks of not working, of eating beans and rice, the last thing I needed to hear was that the possibility of me moving into a full time position just got slimmer. No one was calling me back about my applications. My supervisor Jack tried to be consoling – he told me that any day now the new cataloging position in my department would be open. I said “Yeah, and the tooth fairy could leave $50 under my pillow tonight”. I can’t believe I snapped at Jack. I should have apologized, but I’m just weary and worn out. Job searching is so demoralizing.

So is not working. I need structure in my life! It’s good for me to see people who live with less structure in their lives – like Underdown and James. Both their houses are small exercises in chaos made large, and it’s good for me to know that’s OK. It’s just tough for me to go from being a full time student with 3 part time jobs to a person with no school and only one part time job. It’s all decelerated so fast I’m freaked out. I really don’t know what to do with myself when I’m not under pressure.

And that was how it was until Friday, when the sun came out and the new store opened and Widener library called me for an interview next week. The year of the snake is almost over, hallelujah! Things are going to be better soon, I can tell.