Or an Excuse to Stay

3/31/2002

The other day when I came home from work, Aral said to me:

"I've decided that you should get a full time job and stay here in Boston with me, and that we should renew our lease. I've decided this because I just don't want to move any of my crap up and down those goddamn stairs. And finding a new place is going to be stressful. Screw that."

Indeed, moving is stressful. Screw that. Now all I need is an excuse to stay, just like in that Elizabeth Bishop poem that was inscribed on the Davis Square T platform. For those who have been keeping up with my ever-changing job situation, my full time appointment to the Harvard Library of International Studies will end in June-ish, as soon as they're through moving the collection. I'm still there, preserving Russian newspapers and boxing important stuff; but clearly when my job is done there will be no spot for me to stay in, and they're probably going to "restructure" the whole department after that anyway, meaning less jobs even for the permanent people. Harvard seems to be cutting back everywhere, and it seems to be a general trend in the profession.

I'm applying to 2 jobs in Boston for every 1 job I apply for in Atlanta. Boston vs. Atlanta. Last week I thought it was time to go, and then the weather got better and I wondered how I could ever leave this town, where I get to have blue hair and work for Harvard with such amazing damn benefits. I've all ready been to the doctor once and I have a dentist appointment next weekend.

Benefits of living in Boston: good health care, public transportation, anti-war boosters, tons of people who read for fun, comics, comics, comics, art everywhere, higher status as a woman (and as a geek), freedom of familial responsibility, social structures that make sense.

Benefits of moving to Atlanta: reconnecting with family, the beautiful weather, hanging out with my sisters, parties, parties, parties, knowing all the social cues, fabulous food, beautiful young men, the quiet surety that I can breed if I'd like, just whenever.

Who knows what will happen next? Aral and I are down to bribing each other to stay, even though we don't know if either of us will be able to afford it. I'm buying Aral an air-conditioner in May, and she keeps going on about how much she's going to cook once her thesis is done. The Easter Bunny is definitely going to visit our apartment tonight.

In honor of Easter weekend, the wonderful people at Verizon (nee Bell Atlantic) shut my phone off. This is probably because I haven't paid my phone bill in full since before Christmas, which in turn was because it took me so long to get hired on at Harvard full time. I just got my first full time professional paycheck, but paying the rent, buying food, and keeping the cable on were simply higher priorities than keeping the telephone. I'll get it turned back on with the next check. I'm not embarrassed, just sort of accepting. This is just how it happens sometimes. Things will fall back into place soon enough.

I'm looking for an excuse to stay. Acceptable excuses to stay would be: 1) a good job 2) a guy who convinces me he'd like to give things a half-way decent go 3) a buyer for the novel 4) winning the lottery.

If I can't get one of those things, I have to go. I just wish someone would up and make an excuse for me. Somebody should up and surprise me. Call. Be an excuse. Of course, my phone is disconnected...