Happy Birthday to Me

Wow. So much has happened in the last week that it's hard to know where to begin.

First, to make everyone jealous I should point out that I have a ticket to see Neil Gaiman debate Harlan Ellison Saturday night at MIT. Really. The 10 millionth thing I love about this town is that at any random moment someone can say to you: 'hey, did you know that Neil Gaiman is debating Harlan Ellison across the river this weekend?' And then for $8 you can go. Which just proves what kind of nerd I am, but that's why I belong here.

It's my birthday Friday, and I'm going to be 25. I'm having an awesome birthday week. Monday I bought a new computer, Tuesday I put together the 'zine Aral and I have been working on, yesterday Anita Silvey taught me all about publishing contracts and then my friend Jennifer brought her new boyfriend Erik over and we had sea scallops for dinner. Tonight I'm going out for drinks after work with some people, and then tomorrow I'm having a dinner at my favorite Indian restaurant with friends.

I'm 25, and I have all I ever wanted in the world, mostly. I live in an awesome apartment in a big city. I'm learning all about publishing and I have a part time job at Harvard that teaches me new things every day. I have tickets to the J. Garafalo concert in a couple of weeks, and I make a mean pumpkin bread.

Life is good.

Except that I've been fighting my whole life to get to where I am, and now I'm not sure what to do now that I'm here. Once one has *arrived*, then what?

I was bemoaning my lack of direction to a guy I know called Josh. He told me it was nice to be aimless. He moved here three years ago from the mid west and then just never moved back. He has a very good job, and must enjoy where he is, but has no plans further than what's right in front of him, I suppose. I've never, ever in my life done that. I've always had plans, diagrams, lists and maps. To be aimless…not headed towards any specific target…wow.

I'm not sure if I know how to do that. It sounds nice though. Maybe I'll be aimless for a year or two. I've worked really hard to get where I am…I guess it couldn't hurt to just kick back and enjoy everything for a little while. But are you really aimless if you plan to be aimless…hmmm… time to find out.